Dom for Sub Relationship: Complete Guide in BDSM

Dominance and submission relationships are no different from any normal couple relations. What distinguishes them from others is the fact that they practice the BDSM lifestyle with its peculiarities and follow the necessary dominant submissive contracts.

The essence of them is seen in the power difference, the dominant partner is the one who leads and the bottom partner is the one who follows.

One reason why such interactions are a more popular form of submission and dominance may be that the idea of surrendering or taking control of another person is appealing. Often we can feel bound and limited by our assigned roles in society. BDSM and kink can empower people to be and behave as they wish, and the dynamics of dominance can allow for the exploration of fantasies that might otherwise seem out of reach. This unusual power dynamic is at the core of the dom-sub partner interaction and is primarily psycho-emotional rather than purely physical or sexual in nature.

Feeling in control of someone else can make a person feel powerful, special, or cared for, all of which can make sexual activity and power exchange much more interesting.

What does it mean to be a dominant: good and fake dom

Being Dom (is short for dominant) - is not as easy as it may seem at first glance, as it involves a great deal of responsibility. Depending on their relationship type, they may need to set tasks and rules for their submissive. This includes monitoring compliance with these rules and assigning punishments as needed. Although at first glance the practice of BDSM looks like the Dominant is being served by his bottom partner, it is actually the Dominant who decides how he wants to be served and controls the fulfillment of that service. So Dom (the top) is taking control a sub (bottom) with a power play.

Sometimes somebody does not have anything definite, set rules, has no aspirations and goals, does not know what he wants, BDSM for him is a game, but it is clear that he portrays the role, wears the mask of a true Dom, because he wants to try out this experiments and own the bottom, receiving all the emotional and physiological bonuses from the process. Also, false Dom can try on this role based on their selfish motives, without being such.

Role of the dom - everything you need to know

The role of the dominant in the global sense is defined by his functional duties - in relation to his inferiority starting from responsibility and ending with aftercare. However, if we are talking about minor scenario roles, there is a field for fantasy - from Master to guardian or coach depending on the scenario. He exercises the right of control to the right degree, which is concurrence upon before the game starts.

Takes responsibility

A good Dom shows care and attention to his sub-missive, monitors his psycho-emotional state during the game scenarios, as well as after it, and provides the necessary follow-up care and necessary medical assistance (it will be discussed further on). He also supervises the serviceability and functionality of all auxiliary attributes and accessories, and their correct use, for example, the correct placement and tying of rope knots when practicing shibari, the placement of knots on the erogenous zones of the person, the correct tightening of wrist and ankle cuffs, their fixation, playing with sensory deprivation and much more. The Dom should be educated in matters related to health and body structure, as well as understand the bondage safety of restricting the mobility of his submissive - time of fixation, forbidden areas of the body for restraint.

With skillful application of knowledge and experience role-playing game - a do for both parties. However, beware of false dom - he wants immediate satisfaction of his needs, but does not want to lead a BDSM lifestyle, educate and accept the philosophy of BDSM relationship.

Dom Acts as a Master

He creates a scene is not an easy task and requires a huge amount of attention to the mood that needs to be created, as it is essentially the psychological journey that the sub will go on, the intensity of the play and the precautions to be taken. Dom may usually be the leader of the couple - to lead, set the rules, and enforce them as agreed upon by both partners. The dominant must always be in complete control of the situation and demand obedience from his sub.

Submissive what does it mean?

A sub (is short for submissive) in a Sub-Dom couple wants to be controlled and enjoys being served. Submissive may prioritize the needs of the dominant over his own and strive to do everything possible to please and fulfill his dominant.

Sub learns to take enjoyment dom and joy in giving in and "submitting" to his partner's wants and desires.

Dom and sub can easily switch roles when the Dom becomes the sub and vice versa (aka "switching"). In general, it's all about freedom of choice, the freedom to choose what role you want to play, how you want to be treated, and what you want to give in return. In a way, it can be very liberating.

Types d/s in bdsm

Dominants with these psycho types like mature people, not children or minors at all. They are attracted on an emotional and sexual level to mature people who have learned to accept their inner child with its needs, and they are aroused by their appropriate behavior and manners.

Types of Doms

Daddy and Mommy

They are typical representatives of Dominants who show care and responsibility for their inferiors, with paternalism at its core and obviously may include role-playing scenes with sex and without sex, erotic spanking, and more.

Sadist

He has the traits of a man who derives enjoyment and sexual excitement from inflicting pain - physical or emotional - on his bottom. He has no concern for the needs of his sub, exhibiting sadistic traits ranging from minor discomfort to extemporaneous exposure or violence.

Fem dom Mistress

The Fem dom Mistress is an exceptional type among all other Dominants due to her gender identity. She combines power and sexuality in a natural way. They are often referred to as Domina, Dominatrix or Mistress. They love aesthetics in everything and BDSM practice turns into a real show with the use of strapon, face-sitting, forced felching.

Demigod

This type feels the need for absolute worship, praise and reverence, creating an illusion of importance. This often takes the form of rituals and cults, but is aimed at satisfying the inner ego, not the joint mutual needs, but his own. He is less attentive to the bottom and the changes in his states in the practice, however not out of disrespect for him, but because of his narcissism and "divinity", i.e. without malice.

Abuser

A person who derives pleasure, usually of a moral order, from humiliating another person, subjugating him, bullying him, and suppressing him. He prefers excessive control in his communication with a sub, seeking to cause in him maximum dependence both psycho-emotional and physical, otherwise not feel needed because of his low self-esteem.

Researcher

This is a Dominant who is interested in BDSM aesthetics and practicing this lifestyle. Such a person educate themselves about kinky-style actions, sometimes finding out through experience the aspects that appeal to them, discarding those that they do not accept due to their human nature. He is a Master over the submissive. Practice on the basis of knowledge, orientation to the sensations of their own and their lower, receiving joint pleasure - the cornerstones of such interaction. This is perhaps one of the most successful good dom psychotypes that will suit the vanilla sab and help him in the process of training to become confident and advanced for his Dom.

Types of submissive

Sex Sab passionate

Loves excitement and thrills, selfish and focused on their own sensations in sex, less often on their partner's desires. Understanding of pleasure is also specific - explores pain thresholds and new sensations in sex.

Brat Sub

This is an unruly naughty child in the couple, who by breaking the rules constantly provokes the Dominant to respond, and attracts his attention. It is like teasing a bear with a stick to provoke his response of insolent behavior. A competent Dom should follow certain rules of communication with the bratty sub, taming him to the correct obedient behavior so that it suits both (not to show excessive softness, but also not to be harsh enough, because it is in fact - a naughty child).

Pseudosub

Considers himself as such by external manifestation, but not by the internal state - ready only to enjoy himself, not paying attention to the top, and often seeks to control the process, dictating the rules of behavior during sex. Receives pleasure and at the same time feels comfortable despite the possible discomfort of the partner.

Semi-slave

Has an understanding of BDSM practices and the roles in them, which he adheres to. Enjoys the role of subordinate, servant or slave, as well as from serving and giving pleasure to the dominant, but also gets high from the fact that he knows that it is only in the game, not in reality, it is worth saying the code word - and the game stop.

Slave - Servant

Can be a subordinate not only in sex or in role-play scenarios, but also carry this subordination into everyday life. Completely surrenders control to his Dominant and wants to be used by him, submits if he considers it a comfort zone.

Real slave

He is a good submissive slave, who fully considers himself given into the possession of his master - not only in the moment of the game, but also in everyday life, also attaches importance to fetishes and kinky attributes and paraphernalia - wears a choker collar (as a role-playing game, can be with a leash, and the day version). Considers herself the property of the Master and both are fine with that. Revels in the thought of being in constant submission to Master or Master. This is the most effective variant of cooperation House for Sab.

Total Absolute Slave

This is more of a mental pathology like disorder, almost unheard of in BDSM. The absolute slave has no preferences in the nature of the play scenarios, paraphernalia, sexual pleasure, etc. He is fanatically obedient to the Master, his will and actions, unquestioningly able to tolerate any of the most perverse acts - up to absolute sensory deprivation, immobilization and mummification, orgasm denial and this is more important to him than orgasm or his own desires, preferences.

Dom sub - are they right for you?

BDSM practice in any of its manifestations is based on the cornerstones of Safe-Sane-Consensual. It defines the boundaries of what is allowed, and negotiates acts even if it seems to the uninitiated that there are no boundaries.

People who are unfamiliar with the characteristics and nature of a dom-sub relationship and who have a superficial understanding of this culture may view it as an emotionally or physically abusive contact. At first glance, if you are new to its rules, it seems strange that someone would voluntarily want to be controlled. But when the people involved are consenting adults, there is nothing dangerous or wrong with being part of the dom-sub dynamic.

"BDSM provides an opportunity for people to participate in a consensual exchange of power" the person will remain within the sexual boundaries they have established."

Setting boundaries, following safety rules, and making sure you feel safe and respected can help you explore dominance-submissiveness in a healthy way. of course, it can involve such as spanking, suspension, fisting, flogging, shibari and other types of physical interactions. All of these are the way of enjoyment, because on the other side of pain, there is satisfaction.

S&M should not be confused with sadism and masochism. S&M is a dynamic in which one person (the sadist) takes pleasure in inflicting pain, often of a sexual nature (it is a fake dom), on someone who takes pleasure in receiving it (the masochist). Some people may incorporate some level of sadomasochism into their S&M dynamic, but the limits and safeguards are agreed upon in advance and the process is mutual, based on the trust and consent of each party.

Demystifying subs doms relationships, set the rules

Domination and submission relationship doesn't mean you suddenly start dressing in latex and bondage submissive 24/7 or ready for kinky scene at any time. People in D/s relationships do many of the same things as those in traditional or "vanilla" relationships (which is what the kink community calls couples who have exclusively normative sex without perversions. While some subs and doms may wear a collared choker, such as a day choker, to signify their acceptance doms for subs, others may wear more discreet accessories, such as labeled underwear, or otherwise look completely vanilla. While sex education and awareness have made it possible to talk openly about one's passions, and clear communications with everyone involved in BDSM, many still choose to keep this part of their lives private due to the stigma of non-normative sexuality.

Bondage relationship - gender doesn't matter

When exploring BDSM sex, you should think about and listen to yourself when answering the question of what role you will fulfill. Do you want to be dominant and take this role while the other submits in a BDSM role-playing scenario? Always D/s couples could look like a compromise between two parties with unequal power dynamics. Traditionally, there is a stereotype of male sexual domination. In such relationships, the dominant man and submissive female role is most often permanent. However, in many traditional sexual couples, lady doms are often practiced over men submissive. The phenomenon of female domination is now becoming more widespread, as are the number of men looking for an opportunity to submit.

Dominant personality is independent of gender. Also in non-traditional couples, roles are shared by gay doms and subs, with dominating guys also being semi-responsible for their inferiors. Lesbian couples also have a permanent distribution of mistress doms or the ability to switch roles in different role-play scenarios.

How to start a relationship dom and sub

There are some simple tips and rules for how to get Dom to sub into BDSM practice.

1. Keep an open mind about new things

Before you and your partner move into practicing Sub Dom relationship, reflect on the fact that you are open-minded in your attitude and perception of new ideas and fantasies, that you are not influenced by patterns and stereotypes. In practicing you will be exposed to a number of things and situations that you haven't encountered before, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, so before you say no, keep an open mind and give it a try.

2. Learn how to trust your partner

Trust is the cornerstone of the philosophy of BDSM aesthetics. Therefore, by penetrating them you can begin to be satisfacted with punishment, only in a state of emotional comfort, which provides trust between partners. Also, your partner must be sure that you can be trusted, without this it is impossible to enjoy the excitement of sub dom role play. The concept of trust in a leader is embedded deep in the instinctive part of the brain, but if this trust is not earned, it is not demonstrated, and if instead it is imposed on you, it sows dissent and distrust. You can't force someone to submit, submission is either there or it isn't, and it's the same with the house - it wants to dominate or it doesn't. This is where the concept of submissive training comes in: you may want to dominate, but you don't have the innate skills to do it, you have the instinct, but you don't have the methods.

3. Do not expect too much

People and relationships are always far from perfect, we must be able to accept others with their imperfections, so don't expect too much, because the most important thing is to discover new sensations, ideas and pleasures. Be sympathetic to situations when something doesn't work out, so try again and again.

4. Be educated about BDSM practices.

Shame on you for not learning new things, ignorance is scarier. That is why education, learning about BDSM culture, and building relationship dynamic subs for doms. Enlightening literature, all kinds of pieces of training, blogs, and thematic chats on Reddit or Quora, where people like you share their experiences and relevant questions, will help you understand many nuances and become like your sex educator in these questions. Once you understand how it works, you will be able to fully enjoy this exciting experience. Learning is especially important for the Dominant, as the dynamic is for the most part "action-response", as in general the Dom or Master acts and then the sub reacts.

5. Provide safety in the relationship subs for doms

The physical, mental, and emotional safety of the dominant and submissive are important, Hall notes. "Since many dom/dome and sub involve some level of binding, discipline, nurturing, it is the dominant's responsibility to keep a clear mind and always be mindful of the submissive's state of mind." One option for safe play is a code or safeword. Either way, if you want your partner to know that he or she needs to stop, you just need to say the "safe" word to let him or her know that you are not okay.

6. Find the BDSM community.

You should try to become a virtual, or better yet, a real member of a BDSM community or club to get skills in aspects of BDSM. Immersion and familiarity in this culture are easier when you have role models and people around you who "get it". You can also find professionals who understand the kinks of psycho-sexuality, as well as online experts whose classes delve into the emotional space as well as the physical techniques of submissions and domination games.

7. Aftercare dom sub relationships – it's important

In BDSM, creating defense mechanisms is an important aspect of providing safety and comfort for doms and subs. But after the whips are removed and the ropes are removed, BDSM culture believes that emotional and physical vulnerability still needs to be nurtured and protected.

Aftercare is the mental and physical care that is given to the partner (usually the sub) at the end of the session. Aftercare often involves different techniques, techniques that partners use to provide comfort after vivid experiences that can leave the bottom in a vulnerable state. Simply put, it is a proper and necessary way to make sure that everyone is happy, relaxed, and otherwise okay after the game.

Couples who pay attention to Aftercare are able to develop a closer emotional connection with their partners. "After sex, we're especially vulnerable. We're naked, we've (hopefully) just had an orgasm, and our bodies are flooded with oxytocin and dopamine. Everyone feels good when they know their partner cares about them (to bring a glass of water or give medical care in necessary), and what better way to do that than to show them care when they're in a vulnerable post-sex state of mind?" says psychotherapist Pam Saffer. Therefore, to keep everyone safe, both partners agree to some form of feedback as part of aftercare and report honestly any abnormal deviations, bad moods/attitudes, feelings about the session, concerns about the session, and anything else that may be relevant. This also helps to improve communication and trust between doms and subs and avoid the pitfalls of poor communication after the session.

Clothes for d/s relationships

Clothing and kinky accessories give BDSM scenes more realism, facilitating full immersion in the world of this aesthetic of submission and dominance. It will also create additional psycho-emotional and tactile sensations, discover your new sides, and explore the limits of your capabilities. Therefore, it is necessary to choose the right attributes and to know about the rules of their use.

The dominant often wears clothes specific to a particular scene, for example, leather harness body for the whole body, and strapon harness panties. Subs can be nude and wear a leather collar choker with a leash and be handcuffed and shackled, submission bondage, and can also be scripted to be dressed in a bodysuit with crotchless briefs to demonstrate easy access to intimate areas in kinky sex.

Obsessharness is a store of harness accessories and bondage restraints designed for the sub-dom sex culture practitioners. You will find a huge selection of high-quality leather bodysuits, strap-on panties, wrist and ankle restraints, cat/rabbit masks, and more.

Different levels of dom sub relations

Several levels of relationships can be distinguished.

Level one - Dom and Sub relationships without commitment

It can be emphasized that on it there is conditional trust. It is the starting point of the interaction between partners in role-playing. Relationships are built primarily on the basis of a deep understanding of what each expects to receive reciprocally. The priority is to get physical pleasure quickly. Therefore, the transfer of rights by the Sub to the Dom is conditional, which is limited by the duration of the role-play. In such "casual" relationships, the submissive must clearly define the limits of what is permissible, stipulate the acceptable force of blows, and also not allow herself to go into a subspace, because in a trance state, the Dominant may not understand or misinterpret the submissive's desires. Also, the Dominant must realize that the session is one-time in nature and it is impossible to demand more than the sub can offer. The Dominant is fully responsible for both his actions and the condition of his bottom.

Second level - regular meetings

This is the stage at which the periodicity of one-time meetings grows into regular communications, which are built on the mutual desire to expand the boundaries of permissible and better know each other. The transfer of rights from the submissive to the Dominant can be conditionally called an exchange of power. At this level, the partners seek to get more pleasure than from casual sessions.

This relationship is based on the same principles as the first-level relationship, where the submissive has no real emotional dependence on the Dominant. The boundaries of the submissive's affiliation with the Dominant are agreed upon in advance.

The Dominant's privilege and power over the submissive is limited only to what brings pleasure to both partners. Light punishments for previously agreed upon misbehavior are allowed, as long as it is part of the game. The Dominant may give assignments to the submissive and determine degrees of punishment for failure to fulfill them within the established boundaries. If the Dominant's instructions go beyond the limits (it is impossible to discuss all cases that arise) that the slave had hoped for, and will immediately let the Master know about it. In this case, the Dominant has no right to demand obedience from the submissive. Such inconsistencies should be perceived by the partners as consultative, defining the boundaries of permissible interaction.

Level three - convergence with submissive

The third level is a rapprochement between partners. The level of emotional rapprochement between partners is due to the partners' sincere desire to give each other more pleasure than in the first stages. The dominant and sub are eager for rapprochement and may establish certain rules of behavior and instructions that are capable of extending beyond the time allotted for the session. At this stage, the formation of the submissive's emotional dependence on his Dominant occurs.

The submissive, experiencing a sense of belonging, can give the Dominant the right to limit his freedoms and agree to a proposed pattern of behavior. The Dominant, in turn, can expect subspace from his submissive, but he should not capitalize on his companion's short-term psychological dependence. The dominant must not exert a strong influence on the submissive. However, he may require her to perform certain actions if he is sure that they will really bring pleasure to both of them. If the Dominant is wrong in his assumptions, he should stop his actions immediately.

The submissive at this level of the relationship is responsible for accurately communicating to the Dominant the limits of his possibilities and can allow himself to enter a state of subspace, becoming psychologically dependent on his partner for a while. At this stage, submissive's behavior is characterized by a desire to please the Dominant outside the boundaries of the role play and session.

As a result, respecting and obeying the Dominant's wishes can become part of her behavior and lead to deeper physical and emotional satisfaction.

Fourth level - consolidation of the transfer of power and energy

This relationship is characterized by the presence of deep respect, affection, and trust of the submissive to his Dominant. The fulfillment of their roles partners transfer beyond the sessions, in the behavioral life. It is worth noting, that this kind of relationship has a deep emotional coloring, which is possible only in the presence of real feelings. The desire to give pleasure to one's chosen one becomes a pronounced feature.

Having achieved such a deep connection, Dom and Sub created a kind of symbiosis. The sub in such a couple often identifies himself with the help of tattoos, piercings, or a collar. The collar serves as a symbol of fidelity, affiliation - a kind of wedding ring.

A collar choker for a sub can also be used at the beginning, if, for example, a long-term bond is planned between the Dominant and his sub. In this case, the quality of the collar and its design can change as the behavior of the submissive changes.

For the submissive, this level is characterized by a special trust and desire to give pleasure to the partner outside the session. At this stage, the submissive surrenders all rights to the Dominant. Concessions by the submissive, which were previously unacceptable, now become necessary to achieve greater pleasure.

The Dominant can now give instructions, set limits, even if the latter would require the submissive to take a considerable amount of time to fulfill them or to overcome internal psychological resistance.

At the same time, the Dominant has more responsibility, as he is now responsible for the direction of his female pupil's development.

The submissive, as before, must correctly and clearly communicate the limits of her abilities and the boundaries of her desires. Emotional and psychological attachment should not affect her ability to objectively assess the situation and correctly build communication. Usually, a slave at this level adopts the style of her Dominant, such relation are dictated by sincere love and the highest degree of trust.

The fifth level is the loss of one's self

Here there is a dissolution of the personality of a slave in complete submission to the Dominant.

In my personal opinion, the transition to this level is unethical and is not practiced, its destiny is role-playing within separate sessions. Disclosure of the essence of this level is given for the purpose of familiarization.

At this level, the submissives completely lose their identity, and no longer belong to themselves either physically or mentally - serve one purpose - to satisfy the Dominant's desires. There are no longer any restrictions here. Neither the taboos of the slave nor her physical and psychological characteristics are taken into account. The submissive has no personal space and cannot be left to herself in any form.